we should be day artists

I haven’t blogged for a while but lately I’ve been having some interesting thoughts. I just realized I almost (or pretty much) have nothing holding me back from making my life whatever I want it to be (anymore). Currently there are no limitations. I have no boss. I have not many personal responsibilities. The work responsibilities are sorted out for now and can be managed with whatever hours I choose to put in – meaning 5-6 hrs per day will actually be sufficient. I am finally at a steady stage right now. I don’t know how long it will last this time before things get crazy again for some or other reason… but I want to make use of this time. Time never stays the same. Situations and circumstances are always changing. Days always change. The routine, the flow… everything is always changing. Right now, I want to take advantage of whatever is the current flow and design my day the way I wish. One thing that my husband said that always comes back to me and makes me smile is something along the lines of ‘we should be day artists, we should design our days beautifully’ it’s so true. This is not always possible as there is so many things coming up in life that hold you back. I just realized at this current phase in my life there is absolutely nothing or anyone holding me back from designing my day whatever way I wish except me. So I put together a design on what a perfect day in this current phase of my life could look like. I want to challenge myself to spend the next 50 days perfecting this design… which will bring me to the end of 2021! Day 0, here we go!

The design and attempt 1 at using the design will be shared tomorrow!

How I got here… when you realize you are SO privileged. SO blessed. SO lucky. And then you think about how sometimes you waste so much time not being productive and not making the most of your life, it brings some sort of guilt. I have always been looking for more. I got stuck in a very bad way at a younger age. I was absolutely not prepared for how my life turned out (after marriage). The business. Combined with my immaturity and naivete. Leading to a phase of major depression… just looking back and brining that phase to my memory just brought me tears. I still have not figured everything out. What’s still really hurting me deep down. But, I have come such a long way. After 5ish years of being the most stressed out I can possibly be (leading to major health problems) and almost a lifetime of being chronically anxious… and going through a phase of major depression and severe mood swings in my young adult life… boy, have I really come a LONG way.

… but I don’t want to waste any additional time obsessing, crying, regretting, analyzing, etc. about whatever has happened in the past. It won’t help me. At one point (more recently), I was thinking I need to analyze everything that has happened in the last decade(ish) in order to heal. But I think better use of my time would be to become a day artist. Let’s think about making the future better instead of obsessing about and analyzing the past.

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