I am the most depressed right now than I have ever been before

I managed to admit to my husband (and myself at the same time) today that I am the most depressed right now in this moment than I have ever been in my life. Saying this was so freeing. I immediately felt so much better – almost like I wasn’t depressed anymore (or feeling way less depressed than I was before I said that). I have been in so much angst these past couple of days. Saying this out loud – was quite liberating. I feel so free. And happy. And positive. And excited to (re)start my journey to a healthier, happier and more purposeful life which includes physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and social wellness. This time – I am adding the social dimension of wellness to jasdeepsjourney 🙂

I guess what that really means for me (as a starting point) – is to be more open with myself (and with anyone else who’s reading) on this blog.

I had a friend tell me a few days ago (while I was discussing work and business and how challenging and draining it feels right now and something along the lines that this is not really what I was meant for and that I am not really living my truth) – that she see’s me as a ‘guider.’ This is so true! I went for a counselling session last week and sometime during my session – I told my counsellor that I see myself doing something along the lines of counselling one day. I’ve always known it in my heart. And everyone who really knows me knows this. I was born to do something related to guiding other people. Whether that’s teaching, training, counselling, advising, basically anything that allows me to talk and connect with people, give information, offer explanations, offer support, be helpful, give love, give guidance, basically anything that allows me to give myself. I am a giver. That is my true self. Anyone who really knows me knows this. All my jobs growing up (up till the day that I started helping my husband with our business) have included me interacting with other people. Whether that was teaching music. Teaching chess. Tutoring math to high school kids. Tutoring kids in elementary/middle school. Being a summer camp counsellor. Being a ‘gurmat’ teacher in summer camp. I’ve even had a job where my ‘job’ was to create fun activities/summer curriculum for children -which didn’t feel like a job at all! It was super fun. I ended up finding a way to ‘teach’ even in my non-teaching more ‘grown up’ job by learning a complicated new software and then offering to run online training sessions for my international colleagues from all over the world to make learning it much similar for everyone else. I have always found pleasure in any work that was something related to all of the above. I have always found a way to do something that requires me to give/teach/explain in some way and that allows me to be with people/talk to people. That’s who I am. I love to talk. I love to share myself. I am a loving, caring person who loves to help people in any way that I can. As I write this and reflect on my past and present, I am realizing that there are many ways to do what I am meant for. I once had an idea of offering some sort of free ‘counselling’ sessions in the past when I was going through a difficult time and I really wanted to talk to someone about how I was feeling and I didn’t know who to talk to. I was like I am sure there are more people that feel this way and I would love to offer myself because thats a terrible way for someone to feel and if there is some way I can help someone not feel like that – there would be no better satisfaction in life than that.

In order to give, and I am a giver (deep down), my own cup needs to be full. So that’s what I am going to focus on now and we’ll see where life takes me ❤ Looking forward to the journey.

Thank you for joining me on jasdeepsjourney

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