Day 43/91

So today is day 43 of my 90 Day Challenge. I have 48 days until I finish this challenge and turn 27! It’s exciting and crazy. As I think about how many days have passed in this challenge, I realize there is more that I wanted to accomplish before I turn 27. But I also realize that I have more than half of the time of the challenge left which is still a significant amount of time to make significant improvement. 7 weeks/ 48 days. Like I mentioned last Sunday, my main priority and focus for the rest of the challenge is my physical health. I hadn’t yet quantified how I was going to do this, until now.

For the next 7 weeks, I want to prioritize my physical health by spending 90 minutes/day on physical activity. 30 minutes of yoga, 30 minutes of walking, and 30 minutes of exercise (any form of exercise).

For yoga, I will continue with my 3 week yoga retreat. In the beginning of this challenge, I completed week 1 of the yoga retreat very successfully. I was able to keep up with all the workouts and poses for the amount of time in the videos. That was a huge accomplishment because I remember how weak I was when I first tried these videos about 3-4 years ago. I know that’s a lot of time that I took to improve but I wasn’t always consistent – which I have been getting better at now. I am currently on week 2 of the retreat and will continue repeating this week until I build the stamina and endurance to move on to week 3!

For walking, I will simply just take Mayhem on a walk for 30 minutes a day, whether that’s one long walk or 2 15 minute walks. But for the next 48 days, no matter what, I will make it a point to walk everyday for 30 minutes.

And lastly, 30 minutes of exercise. Over the next 7 weeks, I will alternate between working on the Clean week, 21 Day fix and my own workout routines I have back from when I used to have a personal trainer. So it won’t matter how I fit exercise in my day, as long as I fit in 30 minutes of exercise 5 days/week for the next 7 weeks.

And that’s basically how I will focus on my goal of getting physically healthier, in terms of exercise, in the next 48 days.

I will also closely monitor my diet. I will make sure to eat homemade and healthy by cooking all my own meals. I will focus on healthy eating for 6 days in a week because exercise is kind of pointless without proper diet. One day is always needed to indulge and I don’t ever like to restrict myself. So I will give myself a break if needed.

I created a schedule in the beginning of April which I thought included all the things that make me feel happy. I haven’t actually followed it that consistently because I’ve let myself become lazy (it’s the easier choice). It’s easy to get sucked in to a cycle of bad behaviour. By bad I mean unproductive and spending time on netflix and basically being lazy and doing nothing. It takes conscious effort to be productive and I want to make that conscious effort. This is basically the thousandth attempt at being better, improving myself, making progress in life, etc. But I will keep trying because I think that’s what life is about: not giving up. So tomorrow, it’s a fresh new week and I plan to re-start focusing on my daily routine. I’m also going to spend the next little bit figuring out what really makes me happy and not doing things just for the sake of doing them.

I realized yesterday and it started freaking me out that I don’t actually fully know myself yet. Sometimes I feel like I know exactly the path I’m on and what I need to do but sometimes I forget all that and go blank and completely confused. I want to try to get to know myself better and that is the purpose of my life. I want to spend this life discovering myself and what makes me happy and along with that, I want to discover e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. the world has to offer. There is just so much and it’s not right to get overwhelmed and confused, although it’s normal but it’s better to take it one step at a time and just focus on self and world discovery. That is HUGE and will require a LOT of time.

As I was making a list of what makes me happy yesterday, I got overwhelmed with a feeling of sadness because I felt like I am focusing only on myself and I never wanted my life to be only about me. I really want to be able to contribute to the world in a meaningful way. Growing up, I always wanted to be a teacher, which is a service oriented career and my soul craves for me to be of some sort of service to the world. I’d probably feel like I am contributing to the world in a meaningful way everyday if I was teaching. Because it is a job in which you are constantly giving yourself in more ways than one for the betterment of future generations. I really believe that teaching is one of the best and rewarding jobs that give you a sense of fulfilment in life.

As my dream of becoming a teacher didn’t really pan out, I’ve been feeling a void in my life that no amount of material things has been able to fill. In the material sense, I have e v e r y t h i n g. There is nothing more I need in life. All of my basic needs plus so much more is taken care of. But I still feel a void that needs to be filled. I know it’s connection with/service to/giving to others that I crave. Right now, for a living, I support my husband’s business(es). I handle all the accounts related responsibilities. It is a huge amount of responsibility and work and I’m very good at what I do and I like doing it also. However as I was thinking about everything in my life yesterday, I was getting emotional because although I have everything, something still feels missing. I don’t think I actually want to go through the hard work, time, commitment and everything else required to go back to school to actually fulfill my life-long dream of being a teacher. Especially because at this point in my life, I don’t know if I have it in me to deal with all the negative aspects of the job. It’s competitive to get a job, even a huge struggle just to get on the supply list, politics, under-valuation, under-appreciation etc.

Anyways, a lot of my life and myself, I have figured out. I know a lot about myself and what I want to do. But what I still need is to find is an alternative to what teaching would have been for me. I don’t mind helping my husband with his businesses, in fact I like helping and being involved. I like the freedom I have in my life because of our businesses. But through self-discovery, and exploring everything in the world around me, I want to figure out a way to make my life more meaningful. I want to find a way that connects with me to give back to the world somehow. And that is the new intention of my life. Do focus on myself because as my husband said you can’t give to others without first giving to yourself. It always starts with yourself. So I am choosing to start with myself. Learning all there is to know about me and what I want from life. Helping myself to achieve my own goals. Love to myself. Generosity and kindness to myself. Connection with myself. Once I am a more complete person, I think I will find my own path of how to contribute to the world around me.

Thanks for reading 🙂

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